A recent study concluded that nearly half of all mums working outside the home have been diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression. A whopping 42%! Another states that women and girls handle over 75% of the world’s unpaid care tasks.
You're right: the mental load isn't fair.
Nor is the unequal distribution of life tasks, particularly when it comes to families. And look, there’s a whole host of reasons why this is our reality; not least because throughout history women have carried a disproportionate mental load, backed by societal and cultural expectations around gender roles and caregiving that doesn't particularly serve us today.
But how the hell can we put some of this load down today? Because honestly, carrying this burden is heavy, and it’s 2023, people! 🤯 Let’s take a deeper look.
Invisible Labour + How To ‘Share The Load"‘
When it comes to women and the disproportionate mental load and emotional labour inherent to managing households, the research has long been clear; despite the shifting gender role norms of recent years:
“(women) still manage most of the household’s labor—even when employed full-time—and gender differences in the amount of time spent on the household tend to be the greatest among couples with children.”
These types of ‘invisible’ labour can be frequently overlooked by both families and researchers, but hooray for the personal accounts and spoken communication between mothers and media, which show that the mental load is real, serious, and affects most modern women to a strong degree.
You Should’ve Asked 🤦🏽♀️
The burden of unpaid care work has realllly significant implications for women's economic opportunities, career advancement, and overall well-being, so to kick off, have a look at the You Should’ve Asked comic that sums up exactly what this is all about and gives you a language to talk about this comfortably.
Then listen to this amazing Ladies, we need to talk podcast (and the follow-up) about naming and shaming the mental load, and offering some suggestions as to how exactly reduce this!
Then bring this Fair Play Deck into your home and let it spark a conversation with your significant other, should you have one. Even if you don’t have a partner - this deck will highlight just how much you’re really doing, and allow you some self-compassion. Honestly, this deck is what finally got my partner to well and truly ‘get’ what the mental load meant, and looked like, day to day.
Of course there’s literal visual reminders in your household (like a family wall calendar that shows exactly who is running around doing what), but these above resources will help you find your voice around the mental load, empower you to demand change, and give you some tips on where to start to make a real difference.
Stay tuned for Part #2 of the mental load which will offer more resources on changing this dynamic in your world, and why it’s so important.
Now friends, comment below & let me know if you’re feeling this, and what you’ve done about it!
In solidarity xo
Sources:
- United Nations. (2019). The world's women 2019: Data booklet. New York: United Nations. Retrieved from https://unstats.un.org/unsd/gender/worldswomen.html
- Ciciolla, L., & Luthar, S. S. (2019). Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households. Sex Roles, 81(7-8), 467-486. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-018-1001-x